Is winning about luck?
Or is some other unseen factor at play,
that stacks the odds in our favour?
“Emotional self management could stack the odds in your favour, by a staggering 90%.”
Some people seem to prosper,
while others struggle.
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT HOW WE MIGHT BE
GETTING IN OUR OWN WAY!
Getting out of our own way.
LIFE LESSONS — EMOTIONAL SELF MANAGEMENT
A long time ago,
In a galaxy far away,
I was challenged to improve myself.
To become emotionally dispassionate,
embracing logic paths and rationales,
focusing on processes to achieve outcomes.
I frequently go on about how Harvard research reveals that emotional self management is a factor of 90% of the success of the winner vs the loser, between two people of very similar skills.
“In fact, emotional intelligence — the ability to, say, understand your effect on others and manage yourself accordingly — accounts for nearly 90 percent of what moves people up the ladder when IQ and technical skills are roughly similar.”
(Wilcox is the director of management programs at Harvard Extension School, as well as a committee member and planner for key industry-wide conferences in higher education.)
Poorly managed emotions are the most destructive force on our opportunities and on earth.
Every failed leader had a character flaw.
OR DID THEY?
They could not manage their amygdala.
Their central nervous system,
cortisol and associated behavioural responses,
… to flight or fight, simply took over.
Good people also sometimes become evil.
And it’s not OK.
What are we doing to help GOOD PEOPLE,
who are fighting a lifetime struggle to control complex trauma,
that they may have experienced as a child,
that now impacts daily, adult behaviours.
WE ARE ALL OF US,
NOT DOING ENOUGH.
People don’t fail because opportunity wasn’t there.
They fail because they don’t know HOW to change.
PUNISHMENT IS NOT THE ANSWER.
LOVE IS THE ANSWER.
We must develop the confidence to CHALLENGE people to grow,
while also having the PATIENCE to lovingly help them.
HELPING PEOPLE TO HELP THEMSELVES.
I have learned that every human being deserves to have their dignity.
To be respected and loved.
To be wanted and needed for their uniqueness.
We owe it to each other to step up and
in way that helps someone to
SEE WHAT THEY ARE NOT SEEING, THAT THEY NEED TO SEE.
Understanding and transformation comes through experience.
We must stand beside the people we wish to transform and show them
BY OUR EXAMPLE,
that they can trust the life-experience they are seeing,
and it’s benefits to them.
We must not coerce people to change before they are ready,
but rather, sometimes, allow a person to take their own path to failure.
Particularly, when they are wilful.
This is so that we can create a space in which the hurt person,
can then apply FREE WILL and SELF MOTIVATION to come into their change.
Requiring that we have EMPATHY and that we respect TIMING.
WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY,
THE TEACHER WILL APPEAR.
This means that we will learn nothing while we are wilfully following our false ego,
without possessing the humility to forget what we know, and coming to learn.
And so life humbles us when we resist the lessons we are supposed to learn.
Our failure becomes a critical opportunity in which unlearn bad habits.
A hurt ego can easily be guided to become malleable,
and learning will now be that much more easy.
When we are defensive,
no learning will happen.
And so we must be careful to not be so over confident that we miss what we are not seeing about ourselves.
We must be ready to listen to feedback and measure this from many different sources in order to improve ourselves.
And this is why some people seem to prosper, while others struggle.
MAYBE WE ARE GETTING IN OUR OWN WAY,
TRIPPING OVER OUR EMOTIONS.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD LEARN TO CONTROL THEM.
Think about those words.
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