In my life it's been one hell of a ride. It was not easy growing up as I had undergone different versions bullying, different versions of pain. That kept me from moving forward.
You see I'm living in the present but my mind cannot forget the horrible actions of others, so that made it difficult to forget. Forgiving is easy but it's super hard to forget. You walk through life with these fears. Vengeance is your best friend. I never attacked my enemies but in my head I was always imagining beating up my enemy with a baseball bat. That is how I cheered myself up. The things people did to me was hurtful and I walked in life with these scars, I was never relaxed. I made barriers for myself to never go through those things again. I did it simply to protect myself. Eventually I received anxiety and that made things worse! You see although you are in the present, you not really mentally. Mentally you're in the past while walking the present, mentally you're questioning the future. So I plan things all the time. Having a backup for everything in case things don't work out. I simply did this to prevent myself from ever being helpless again.
I use to allow things to happen naturally for things just to work out because it's meant to be. But in my case it was constant natural disaster, problem after problem. I use to blame myself for it... My trust was broken. Up till now I'm still living mentally in the past trying to move on.
Not too long ago, I wondered what have I learned from my past. I've learned not to be gullible; to be too trusting; or to be too hard on myself. Because I too had punished myself for other people's wrong.
To move forward:
I have to learn to love myself. I need to remember that people aren't perfect, they will make mistakes. There's always going to be someone thats more beautiful and more talented than me, but that shouldn't affect how I see myself because God gave us gifts and abilities based on how our marathons is designed. He gave us what we need to make it to the finish line not because he loves the other one more. I have Learn to not be too trusting especially with quick rich money schemes. last, to remain true to myself no matter how weird and socially awkward the generation sees me as.
And this will bring me to the present whilst each step, each second that is to come, is the future.